I want to start today’s newsletter (inside my home, no longer locked out, in case you were wondering) by thanking everyone who shared their personal experiences with Father’s Day, parenthood, and last week’s newsletter. Throughout all of this, on Sunday, I found myself thinking that in a world full of billions of people, I didn't get chosen by the person who created me, but I had someone step in and choose me.

Father's Day can feel a certain way, but how lucky am I that I got to have that relationship?

I’m reminding myself that fatherhood is a Great Thing for me and that nothing worthwhile happens overnight because…

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Billy Perry is a professional BMX athlete who grew up riding on Long Island. Instead of chasing the competition circuit, he grabbed a camera, hit the streets of New York, and started filming. That bet on himself turned into one of the largest BMX creator channels online and a lifestyle brand: FTL BMX, Follow The Leader.

In the next epidsode of Great Things, we ride around Domino Park in Williamsburg and the Lower East Side talking about how Billy built a career outside the traditional sports structure, what it means to ride in New York, and what it actually took to get here.

Stay tuned for the full-length video on my YouTube channel to hear more of Billy’s story and see whether or not I should quit my job and go the professional BMX route.

When I was 15, I found myself hiding under a car from the cops. 

I had joined a group of friends with laxer curfews than I, who decided the fun of the day would be some late-night swimming in a pool near someone’s house. It was a perfect teenage storm of emotions that led up to that moment: I was insecure about how I looked, I was upset that of my friends, my mom was the only person who enforced an early curfew, and all I wanted with the people around me was just to be liked.

Our friend in Riverdale lived right next to a pool, so it was the perfect opportunity to do something fun. We thought we were being quiet while swimming in the pool (we were teenage boys doing something stupid, no way in hell were we quiet), and someone called the cops.

When the cops showed up with their lights and sirens, we all scattered, jumping fences and grabbing our clothes. I took off running and ended up hiding under a car. Not too well, of course (again, that teenage boy confidence) because a cop found me. 

As I crawled out, flashlight in my face, I admitted to swimming and began apologizing profusely. I don’t know what the cop said back to me because the next thing I knew, I was being told to turn around with my hands behind my back.

In that moment, all I could think about was how I had failed my mom, but also how I had failed myself. I had done something so risky and so dumb, all because I wanted to be cool and be like my friends. There was nothing noble or aspirational about it. In reality, it all started because I was upset that I had different rules than everybody else. I questioned everything my mom told me and thought I knew better (again, a teenage boy who obviously knew the answers to everything).

My life and my future flashed before my eyes, and my stomach was filled with that flippy sinking feeling when you know you’ve screwed up royally. 

But instead of slapping the cuffs on me, he asked me, “How does that feel? Get out of here, don’t do things like this.”

On the walk back to my friend’s house, my failure was all I could think about. I needed to be making my own decisions, not letting others make them for me. I was beginning to understand the depth of what it meant when people chose a situation for me that I potentially didn't want, and what it meant to not be prepared because I wasn’t ready to stick up for what I wanted.

I can be a spiritual person who believes in the universe having a plan for me because there have been so many situations of people I’ve met or chance encounters that have changed the trajectory of my life. But I also firmly believe that most of what occurs in my life is because of my choices.

Meaning, I want to be an active participant in my life. 

This means that I now see my failures as a chance to review my priorities and my preparation, and I don’t always see it as a bad thing.

Failing while working out? HELL YEAH. It might shake my confidence in the moment, but it’s a pretty clear limit. The more I work and the stronger I grow, the easier it will be to see where I’ve improved. 

Failing in relationships? This one stings and doesn’t always have a hopeful feeling of being able to progress and grow attached to it. When I realize I haven’t lived up to someone’s expectations, or I’ve hurt them, it’s that same twisted stomach drop feeling as when I was 15. 

Failing anywhere else? Oh, it’s those moments that replay in my head when I’m trying to go to sleep. Hindsight is even better than 20/20, and every mistake is ultra clear. How could I have done that?

Failure for me now is an opportunity to re-adjust. If I fail, it’s because I was not prepared. So I have to ask myself, do I want to dedicate what is needed to be able to prepare?

Think back to something you failed at recently:

If we’re talking fitness, if you failed to hit a pace target, lift a weight, or complete all the reps, what was the reason? Were you tired? Did you drink enough water, eat enough food? Had you given yourself sufficient rest? Was this a big jump in volume/weight for you? Were you mentally somewhere else?

If you failed in a relationship, did you repeat an old pattern? Did you fail to do something you’d promised? Did you react to something you thought you heard, not that which was actually said (this is 1000% me!)?

Each time you fail, you have a choice to decide if you want to adjust and pursue, or ditch things and move on. Do you want to try again? This time with a little bit more information than the time before, and hopefully with some added preparation.

It’s in those moments following failure that you can take stock of your life and see if there is space or desire to keep fighting. You’re able to rank your priorities and see if you have the capacity to add or switch things up to make changes. 

For 15-year-old me, that was not the last time that I fell into the people-pleasing trap. I could write a book on all the times I’ve failed at that. But each time, I hated how it made me feel afterwards, I saw it as a break from my standards, and I didn’t like what I was becoming. Each time I took a small step forward, saying no sooner, telling someone how I feel in the moment, being honest with my first gut reaction, so that eventually I wasn’t failing as much. 

I started to do the work to understand why I didn’t want to say no and why I wanted to people-please so hard (I just wanted to be accepted by everyone). Being able to get closer to the root cause meant that I wasn’t just making a superficial act when I said “no”; it was something that had become part of who I was. I wasn’t checking a box.

Everything you do after failure means more than if you got it the first time. You’ve committed more, you’ve made it more of who you are. You’ve taken a feeling of rejection, of disappointment, of gut-wrenching sadness, and turned it into something you built. That was YOU! 

You made the choice to build back better and stronger so that the next time the opportunity was thrown your way, you could prove how much you wanted something. Great Things take many failures. They take trial and error, dedication, and effort. Each time you learn something, you gain clarity towards what you want from life. If you don’t fail, how will you know if you really care whether or not something was possible?

So, for those of us who fail this week, I hope that each failure brings you closer to the clarity you need to build the life of your dreams. A life filled with all your Great Things.

If you only pause to reflect on your life for one moment today, do it now.

How we respond to failures tells us a lot about ourselves and our priorities. What can you learn from yours?

Your turn! Journal your answer, or if you find yourself sharing the progress of your Great Things on social, tag me at @greatthingswith_adrian so I can join in on cheering you along!

From products I love, to routines I follow, to tips and tricks, I'm here to answer any questions you might have. Don't overthink it. If you want to know it, I'm sure someone else does, too.

Questions will be answered in upcoming newsletters