In a world where we could have just about everything we want at a moment’s notice, we have to pick and choose where we allocate our energy and always remember that while good things are fleeting,

Our brains are great! They teach us how to love and experience joy, but they are also the same ones who will tell us we aren’t good enough. If our brains do this, maybe we need some people in our corner to call us out on it?

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How many times have I asked you to reflect on things and have deeper conversations with yourself? It’s a very common theme and shows up in every newsletter; at the very least, you get it in the Moments With Maurice. 

That section is there, not to hit buzzwords or a checklist, but as a reminder to find time to be honest with yourself, which in turn might require challenging yourself.  

After all, Great Things don’t come easily; they are the things that come with time and require hard work, even potentially switching up how you do things. I firmly believe that some of the biggest obstacles to our Great Things come when we aren’t honest with ourselves, something that is close to home for me.

There have been countless times when I’ve danced around the edge of a problem because taking one small step inward would be painful and eye-opening. Sometimes that voice in my head wants to keep me safe and free from pain.

Why? Because it’s an unreliable narrator.

That voice in my head resists admitting I need to do more, or that I might be wrong. Because if I admit that, it means I’m not where I want to be yet, and that’s an exhausting thought.

Sometimes it feels easier to believe we’re victims of circumstance than to face how much is actually within our control.

Humans were not designed to live in solitude. It’s why we seek out partners and community. Finding people who share commonalities can feel so refreshing and safe. Whether it be movement or discussion on a topic, it’s more fun with a group, and I support this! Less ChatGPT! More hugs and feelings!

The danger comes when we begin to amplify each other’s resentment. Hate and anger are strong emotions, but they can feel good when we’re surrounded by others who feel the same way and chime in to validate our feelings. If you constantly have other people telling you ‘f-this person’ and ‘f-that thing’, it’s going to start to mess with you.

The feeling of being right can be addictive. It feeds on itself with everyone agreeing, reinforcing each other, because it feels good not to be in the minority. There’s even a sense of superiority in it, like we’re seeing something others can’t, simply because everyone around us agrees.

This is why it’s important to operate outside of your community. To find people who challenge what you believe to be right and true. As we discussed last week, very little is set in stone. Wouldn’t you want the chance at getting the best possible result by gaining even more information?

Because of all that, groupthink can feel goooooooooood, but just because it feels good, doesn’t mean it’s good for you. And to be frank, someone needs to be able to call you out on your shit. 

Here is where my relationship with my brother comes into play. He is one of the people in my life who can challenge me directly; he is not a Yes Man. Same with Denis Morton. He is the first to ask me if what I’m worked up about was what I heard, or what the other person actually said. It’s an important distinction that forces me to reflect on whether or not I’m reading into a situation and putting my own spin on the facts. 

Neither my brother nor Denis allows me to take the easy way out or claim my side is the right side. If I had a dollar for every time they called me out on my bullshit, I’d never need to work again.

Being challenged forces me to examine what’s actually going on outside my mind because more often than not, I’m missing the complete story. 

We can create whole worlds in our minds in both beautiful and terrifying ways. As kids, we’re taught that imagination is a good thing, but when we get older, we start to realize that imagination might actually be knee-capping us. 

Take arguments amongst loved ones. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has gone through an entire fight with a loved one, going back and forth between responses and facts. Pulling up the receipts and sharing feelings. 

The only problem is that it’s done in our minds, and our minds can easily be unreliable narrators. How we are responding to things is not how that person would actually respond in real life. Sometimes, we’ve even just misheard something, and if we’d stopped for clarity, we wouldn’t be found at 2 am with the Notes app on our phone glaring in our faces while we type a response to a problem that never existed. 

(Which is why Denis calls me out on creating stories. I need my sleep!) 

Recently, I was caught in the middle of what felt like the tail end of a conversation held elsewhere about me, without me being present. It was a feeling of two-facedness, where outwardly someone was presenting as supportive, but behind closed doors, they had other ideas.

Instead of going to the source of the problems (me), it was a conversation held in an echo chamber of agreement. No one stopped to say, ‘Hey, there could be a chance we don’t have the full story. We could be wrong. Why don’t you ask him.’ Instead, what I received were statements of how wrongly I had behaved.

This struck a chord with me, not just because it’s a shitty feeling to know someone is talking about you without you being present, but also because it felt like it was repeating patterns of my past. 

I used to surround myself with people pleasers, people who would gas each other up but not hold each other accountable. While these same people were encouraging to your face, they were far from it when you weren’t around. If somebody else were to get an opportunity that they wanted? Well, that person would then become public enemy number one. Clearly, they didn’t deserve it as much.

Some of my earliest memories were of kids on the playground who would whine when they didn’t get the toy or the attention. I’d love to say we all grew out of that as we got older, but I’m sure we can all think of someone who is hard to be around because they are outwardly performing to get validation. They are the ones who will loudly call out when they feel they have been wronged, even if it means they won’t celebrate someone else's win who is close to them.

Retreating inward, whether to your groupthink bubble or your own mind, can make it easy to enter into a world of ‘why not me?’ We start telling ourselves that we are more deserving than someone else, and pretty soon, all the details and facts seem to mold themselves in the direction to support that. 

If you aren’t honest with yourself or have someone who can call you out, you’re likely to exist in a world where you feel like you are constantly owed something. Instead, dedicate the energy you are spending on complaints and excuses towards more actions that put you closer to your goals. Is it so hard to congratulate someone and send them well wishes and actually mean it?  

Wouldn’t you want the same if you were in their boat?

If you only pause to reflect on your life for one moment today, do it now.

If your mind can be an unreliable narrator, you need to have safeguards in place to know when it’s working against you, not for you!

Your turn! Journal your answer, or if you find yourself sharing the progress of your Great Things on social, tag me at @greatthingswith_adrian so I can join in on cheering you along!

In the two months that the Great Things video series has been going, I’ve learned a lot. I invite you to go back to episode 1 and take a watch so you can see where we are a year from now. There will most likely be a lot of changes and improvements, and I’m proud of every one, nothing is a mistake, only an opportunity to improve!

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