In a world where we could have just about everything we want at a moment’s notice, we have to pick and choose where we allocate our energy and always remember that while good things are fleeting,

There have been many topic requests that have formed a pattern: how to get out of a funk, how to stay positive, or how to fight the winter blues. I’m not a medical professional, and I certainly don’t play one on TV (yet), but I can share with you some of my recent personal experiences and small shifts I made when trying to get out of a funk on my Road to 42.

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Right now, we are so easily disconnected from each other. Things are set up in a way where we don’t have to interact face-to-face much anymore. In a way, it makes sense; human interaction is messy and inefficient. You can plan for bottlenecks in operations, but you can’t plan for someone’s reaction to something. 

Even from the moment we leave our house, it’s easy to be removed from everyone else. Whether you drive to work yourself, take public transportation after purchasing the ride on your phone, or even order a ride through an app, you don’t really need to have any interactions with anyone else. 

Apps are used for ordering food and other products, doorbell cameras let you know how you can hide out to avoid everyone from the delivery person to the neighbor, and technology allows us to have conversations with people through a screen. All the yapping, none of the eye contact.

There is something to be said for an increase in in-person human connection and the feelings it brings, and it was something I hadn’t realized was impacting me to such a great extent.

Feeling disconnected, stuck, and lacking balance were what got me thinking about my Road to 42 and what actions I wanted to take leading up to my forty second birthday. Truth be told, I wasn’t sure what I would get out of exploring areas of improvement, other than getting some new experiences and maybe optimizing my health. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was a bit cocky about the latter. I present as being healthy, what do I need to improve on? But I’m not one to shy away from a challenge, which is why I lined up various ways to reevaluate how I was living my life, which led to three major takeaways that got me out of my rut.

These takeaways aren’t your typical “eat more whole foods, find time to work out, get more sleep, or get outside” kind of actions (all things you should be trying to do anyway!); they also aren’t substitutes for advice from licensed professionals. This newsletter is what the Road to 42 shook loose when I started looking for what I could change when I felt like I was doing all the things I was supposed to be doing and still feeling in a funk. 

A routine has helped me in so many ways, but it’s also hurt me. With a routine and a schedule, I can have time for myself to work out, cook a good meal, or carve out minutes in the day for something that makes me feel good. But when I stick to the routine, things start to feel monotonous and like I’m on autopilot. The predictability was safe, but it was also boring. Think of it as painting in black and white vs. many colors. Without “stretching my brain” per se, I was growing rigid and grumpy. 

Take pottery for example, I’d never tried it before and spending time getting my hands dirty and focusing on something tangible in front of me, I walked away feeling lighter.

So how can I create a routine without getting stuck in it? Mainly, I made sure that there was something in my week that made me nervous or excited me that I didn’t normally do. Even if it means leaving an open time block to walk around an area I don’t normally get to, I’ve had to put something on my schedule… that’s unscheduled. Doing this reminds me that I’m not limited as a human; I am more capable than the same 20 things I do most days. 

From there, I can’t help but feel hopeful and excited about the future and what else is out there for me to experience. Even one new thing can create a butterfly effect that ends my day in a completely unexpected way and sends me to bed excited for what I’m going to discover tomorrow.

Trying new things on the Road to 42 and meeting with people meant that I was face-to-face in a way I wasn’t getting before. I realized how disconnected I’d let myself get. There are many chances for human interaction with my work (the best part!), but there is a lot of time where I’m behind a camera or a computer, and there isn’t anyone else around. Plus, there are plenty of other ways I have during my day, like the ones I touched on at the beginning of this newsletter, where I’m not having a conversation with someone face-to-face for whatever reason.

Seeing how being around people impacted my mood for the better reminded me that I can’t just be head down, focused on the task at hand. I have to slow down and be more intentional to find more opportunities (both big and small) to have time with people. When exploring these new things, I loved hearing about people’s unique stories in their own voice. Hmm… sounds like what one might describe as a conversation…

I started looking for more ways that weren’t the most efficient, but created more connections. I’d work from a coffee shop, push for meetings in person, sit outside and people watch when the weather was nice, and find more reasons to enter into a conversation with someone. I’d even do what many New Yorkers consider crazy, and say hi to people on the streets. 

The sad thing is that none of this is shocking or new; it’s how we all lived not that many years ago. It’s so easy when it’s winter, and it’s cold and gets dark so fast, to just run home to the warmth of our bubble and spend as little time “out in the open” with people. Even more so when we’re tired or burnt out from whatever is being thrown at us. 

But as soon as I started making an effort to spend more time with people in person or around others, I noticed a difference in my mood. I felt more connected to everyone, I had more warmth and joy in my body, and I felt more open. There wasn’t a feeling of solitude or isolation that was dragging me down; instead, I felt connected to people around me in ways that I had forgotten about.

It’s sad that it took a birthday initiative to make this change and realize this about myself, and I’m sure Adrian 10 years ago would laugh at me for this because it’s so obvious. I guess sometimes the hardest things to see are the ones right in front of us.

The biggest realization I had was that I need to accept that I’m in a new phase of my life where things are changing. There are certain things that, if I try to do in the same capacity, will make me regret I even tried. As an early-twenty-something adult (and even in my thirties), I could play fast and loose with my health. Late nights, early mornings, workouts with no recovery, consuming things that weren’t what my body needed, these were all things that gave my body a beating. But it didn’t show. Most of us are like that when we’re young; we make questionable changes and then have almost no symptoms that would make us rethink our choices. We feel invincible, and we might look it too.

Without giving you a rundown of my personal medical history (not everything is for public consumption), the blood tests I had done shed light on what was really going on internally, and that my body wasn’t as indestructible as I might have thought. 

Just because it might look and feel like I can do things, doesn’t mean I should be doing them that way.  I now have no reason to live in a way that is detrimental to my body and my psyche. Even though I’ve done something for years doesn’t mean I should continue to do it, especially when it doesn’t bring me joy. 

It was after this that I realized approaching life as I always had was holding me down. I would accept that ultimately I felt “fine” and that it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. No intense pain, nothing earth-shattering, but things were slightly off. Previous Adrian would say that I could get through these little things; they aren’t a big deal, and I’d consider myself fine from a health perspective. But just because you can get through things, doesn’t mean that you SHOULD.

Understanding this felt like a weight was gone. I wasn’t trying to hold on tight to what had always been; I was evolving and changing in ways that made me better. With age comes a new perspective on what matters and is important, and changing where I direct my energy and how I respond to life helped me shed the feelings of being unproductive.

Being on the other side of forty-two, I can see why I felt the way that I did. When you feel like you’re on autopilot, or that you’re disconnected from the people around you, or that you’re trying to be something you aren’t anymore, you’re going to start to feel like you’re being dragged downward.

It was lucky that I was able to make changes that impacted my mood and outlook on life, but that might not always be the case. If this journey has taught me anything, it’s that I have to stay open to the possibility that these things I’ve done for myself might not always work in the future and that I might need to re-evaluate or get outside help from a professional.

Now I know what feels good for me and gives me a baseline for the future. It reminds me that it doesn’t require a full overhaul, but small, tangible actions that start to shift how I go about things. There may be ways that I can improve on this down the line, but at the very least, I know what I don’t want to go back to.

If you only pause to reflect on your life for one moment today, do it now.

Consider where in your life you’ve removed human interaction in favor of efficiency and progress. There’s so much we want to accomplish, it’s only natural we’d want to get there as fast as possible, but at what cost?

Your turn! Journal your answer, or if you find yourself sharing the progress of your Great Things on social, tag me at @greatthingswith_adrian so I can join in on cheering you along!

Here’s to the people out there achieving their Great Things!

Last week, I shared my takeaways from my time with Max on how he built a business that started with selling hats from his apartment during 2020. If you’re curious, you can read last week’s newsletter (with some BTS info) or watch the short below.

Because no matter what, there is always something to smile about.

While I love coaching to a room full of people, I have a secret love for audio only classes. Why? Well, I don’t have to worry about camera angles! It can be almost meditative as all I have to do is go into the room, shut the door, put on some mood lighting, and start teaching.

She’s back, baby! After months of repairs post-accident, I’m finally driving her around. What color do you think she is now? Definitely not Agreeable Gray. We left people pleasing behind in 2020.

Things I will never take for granted? A breakfast sandwich from Compton’s and coffee from Blue Bottle.

Remember:

-Adrian