In a world where we could have just about everything we want at a moment’s notice, we have to pick and choose where we allocate our energy and always remember that while good things are fleeting,

It’s a perfect February, which means you have no excuse not to start making those changes you said you would. Perfect February means that there are exactly four weeks in the month, it starts on a Sunday and ends on a Saturday, and looks like a gorgeous rectangle in the calendar. So if you’ve been waiting for the perfect time to start something, well, that time is now. 

Fellas, today’s newsletter is for you because NOW is the perfect time to start talking about the things we’ve tried hard to push down. But gender roles aside, I think we can all agree that saying something at the first sign of an issue is an important thing for every person out there. Be you King, Queen, or Royal Being, I hope you get something out of today’s newsletter, and maybe forward it on to at least one King in your life?

February is a month known for Black History and the love behind the culture, but also for love in all its forms. Mostly, it’s about the love we show others, usually expressed in the most cheesy way possible (thanks, Hallmark!), but sometimes there is room to address other types of love (like a pleasing image of a calendar). After all, love is love is love is love.

There is a lot that we men love to talk about and plenty of stuff we show love to. We love our partners, our pets, our cars, and a good upper body pump (okay, maybe this just describes me, but I think others can relate). But what I think we often refrain from discussing is the start of not feeling well. We certainly do not love talking about that.

I’ve been told that I first catch the eye of people based on my outward appearance of strength. Let’s be honest, that’s a fancy way of saying I have muscles, something most men are taught to work towards from a young age. When I was young, we boys were constantly reminded by society not to show any kind of weakness, and we grew into men who carried with us those same lessons. 

And now, we pay for it.

For example, did you know that 1 in 6 Black men will have prostate cancer in their lives? That we are 2x more likely to die from it than our white counterparts? Did you know that if detected early, prostate cancer is 99% curable?

Did you realize that if you are a Black man or have a history of prostate cancer in your family, the age to begin screening for prostate cancer is 40?

I’m 42 (you all know this as I have made it blatantly and annoyingly obvious), and I have never been screened.

Why did I not realize I was two years past when I should have started getting screened? Am I prioritizing the wrong things that make me look and feel strong? Why is that? Prostate cancer aside, I think of all the ways we men don’t share something at the first sign of danger. 

I can’t help but think how many of the men who have passed away from cancer felt something early on, but were too afraid to say anything. Who were too afraid to speak up and say, “I can’t do this alone, I need help.” Whether it be physical, mental, or spiritual, how many times have you heard a man utter the words “I’m not feeling well, I’m not sure why.”

Hopefully, you’ve been lucky enough to hear someone say that, but I’m guessing it’s probably next to none. If something is off, most of us men like to have the solution, the answers, or at least a plan as to how we are going to solve things, because we are the protectors. We worry about everyone else; there is no way we can let others worry about us! 

There are countless stories I can think of of men who felt something in some form or another and refused to bring it up until it was a problem so big and so loud and so demanding that there was no way it could be ignored. 

I’ve seen it happen with my friends, with my family, and certainly with myself.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, as I viewed it as a young boy at the time), my grandmother taught me that real strength was embracing all my emotions, including the ones of sadness or what might be perceived as weakness. There were a lot of uncomfortable conversations where we would get to the root of the problem. I wasn’t acting out because I was bad; I was doing it because I was sad my parents were leaving on vacation. She taught me that there was a benefit to working through things, not around them.

But despite my family’s lessons and encouragement to talk about what ails us, I still struggle to do it. Take my recent Hyrox experience, I was too focused on letting down my partner and friend than admitting that something was wrong. I kept it close to my chest and didn’t want to talk about it until after I knew more because I felt like saying that I had a problem without having answers was wrong. I can’t be seen as being weak! I have muscles, I’m strong, I teach people how to be strong (insert chest pound and grunts).

But when we hide what’s really going on, we do a disservice, not only to ourselves, but to everyone else around us. You have to be healthy in every meaning of the word to be able to give others the best you can offer. 

Going through something alone leaves you feeling closed off and resentful, which rubs off on others around you. Having pain that keeps you from your normal life has a trickle-down effect, whether you put on a tough face or not.

Let me put it to you plainly:

Would you get in and drive a car that had a hole in the gas tank? No matter how hard you put your foot on the gas, you’re only going to go so far before you can’t go any further. Are we even going “through” something if we can’t face it? Feels more like we’re going around it.

There are men out there already adept at sharing what concerns them. If you haven’t found one yet, trust me, they are there. My brother and Denis Morton are two guys who come to mind when I think of men who are able to accurately express what is going on with them at an early stage. Denis is one of the most open people I’ve ever met and is so adept at translating his emotions into fully formed thoughts to share with others. With him, we’re having life conversations; it isn’t just how are you, it’s how are you really? 

Of course, not every guy converses in the same way, which is why I take great pleasure in gently pushing another man to talk about his feelings. I love seeing them squirm with the good kind of discomfort as they start to learn more about themselves and what makes them tick. It’s far from easy, but it’s an important step forward in the holistic strength we all want to have. Strength isn’t just about muscles and stoicism; it’s also about taking that first scary step forward and leading the way for others.

So if you’re a man reading this, I hope you find guy friends who can open the door for you to talk about things, but if not, I challenge you to be that guy for your friends. Be the safe space that allows them to admit to you that something feels off. 

If you’re a partner, a friend, or a colleague of a self-proclaimed “strong man,” my wish is that you start finding ways to allow your guy to open up to you by creating a space where they feel like they can address exactly what comes to mind and be heard.

It’s okay if you don’t get it right at first; the key is to come at things with a real desire to be open and improve things. To know that in the discomfort, a closeness will build, whether that be with yourself or others around you.

In the end, it’s a Great Thing to be able to talk about what troubles you, and we all know that nothing Great happens overnight.

If you only pause to reflect on your life for one moment today, do it now.

You read the newsletter, now it’s time to do the work

Your turn! Journal your answer, or if you find yourself sharing the progress of your Great Things on social, tag me at @greatthingswith_adrian so I can join in on cheering you along!

Here’s to the people out there achieving their Great Things!

“It seems like things happen overnight.” Don’t fall for that statement. It may seem like people have a lightning speed trajectory, but that is far from the case. Take Bad Bunny, this weekend’s Super Bowl Halftime headliner. In 2016, he was bagging groceries at a supermarket, the farthest thing from his music goals (but can we talk about how impressive it is to bag groceries just right and fast?). Bad Bunny absolutely wins this trend.

Have a certain topic you want me to dive into in these newsletters? Send it here or reply back to this email.

Because no matter what, there is always something to smile about.

Not really, but did you believe it… even just a tiny bit? I’ve felt lucky to be able to find the same thing in work that many members feel during their classes: the ability to disconnect for an hour or so and focus on myself or those around me, and how I can better those things. Below (clockwise, L-R) is mass chaos in the elevator, Andy and Lynsey unintentionally twinning, and guest speaker Jesse Israel (going to tell my kids this is the school sports team pic).

Yes, the instructor class was exactly the amount of pandemonium that you might expect it to be.

This week, in her text to the family group chat. I think it speaks for itself.

The darkest, most unhelpful image I can share regarding an upcoming project.

Clockwise from L-R: A visit to Seed Library, donuts from the team at lululemon (each donut has its own little room?!?!) George, the owner of Queen Ravioli, and me holding my morning snack.