With Nana’s birthday around the corner, I can’t help but think of all the micro lessons she taught me. You all know one of them…

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Long nights were the pinnacle of my early adulthood. If you’ve ever gone out in NYC, you know how addicting and all-consuming the nightlife scene can be. This was at a time before cellphones were a thing, and you could really disconnect and feel present with the people around you. 

The later it got, the more you grew connected with those surrounding you. Perhaps it was because my body was screaming internally to go to sleep, but I’d enter a dreamlike state where everything was harmonious. (Until someone got into a fight and broke the mood)

Let me be clear, I do not do that anymore. It makes my knees ache just thinking about it…

However, in more recent times, I was at a club in Miami when I sat down next to a stranger and proceeded to greet them. 

Sure, I’m the person who loves to talk to everyone and hear your unique story, but nothing I did was strange. WHY WOULD IT BE WEIRD TO NOT HI TO EACH OTHER?! Sigh, that’s a whole other thing to dive into.

Now this stranger is someone I don’t recognize, but I’m sure we’ll have something to talk about. When I tell you that his response to my greeting left me speechless…

“Do you know who I am?”

I’m sorry. What? Is this guy for real? Let me tell you, a lot of expletives went through my mind and things I wanted to say. It was clear he wanted to make sure I knew he was somebody.

But what I actually said with squinted and confused eyes (and if you know me, you know the exact tone I said this in) was

“I’m sorry, I don’t know who you are.” And with that, I did something I rarely do and turned away in search of greener pastures and better convos. 

Turns out he was the founder of a moderately successful restaurant chain. Truly, how would I know this guy?  I mean… I guess if you’re really into customizable food you’d know? But is this a thing he goes around telling people? 

It was attitudes like this that were what turned me off of my nightlife era. Well, that and an impending personal financial crisis combined with a client telling me I smelled like I had a good time the night prior. 

I’d gone for the connection, the fun, the memories. But instead, I was facing people who were always looking through me or around me to see who the next best thing was or how they could get through a rope.

Things were a see-and-be-seen era, and it truly brought out the worst in people. Everyone was clamoring for attention and to climb the ladder. I’m perfectly happy being unknown to others, but can we be unknown together? Can we have a conversation that touches on more than the weather, what we do for work, and our taste in music?

I think I might be asking too much.

Regardless, this period of my life was beneficial because it taught me that searching for the opinion of people who don’t know you, who don’t care to know you, and who have nothing in life you want to recreate for yourself will get you nowhere. 

I’m starting to understand what Nana used to mean when she would tell me I shouldn’t have more friends than fingers on my hand. It’s a challenge, albeit not impossible, to maintain deep and fulfilling relationships with more than that number of people. There is a lot of energy that goes into letting someone in to truly know your heart and who you are as a person, and it’s certainly not something you can get in passing with some rando in the club. But all jokes aside, if someone does not care deeply for you, or is living a life you respect, does it matter what they think of you?

The quick surface judgements of people in the nightlife world quickly fell out of favor with me. That, and I realized I could not stay out all night and get up at the crack of dawn to train clients.

Next Tuesday marks what would have been Nana’s 85th birthday, and I can’t help but think of all the little things I want to thank her for. All the little sayings that live rent-free in my mind and the behaviors I picked up that have made me a better person. I can’t help but wonder what advice she’d want to give me now, or the lectures I’d get, but I know one thing for certain: she’s someone whose opinion I’d care deeply about.

If you only pause to reflect on your life for one moment today, do it now.

People can make us feel seen by what they share with us and how they share it. For me, Nana made sure that when she told me something, there was no confusion, miscommunication, or unnecessary emotions attached to what she was telling me. Now, I’ll never forget to wash behind my ears, so thank you, Nana.

Your turn! Journal your answer, or if you find yourself sharing the progress of your Great Things on social, tag me at @greatthingswith_adrian so I can join in on cheering you along!

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