Happy Wednesday, my friend.

I’m absolutely not where I thought I’d be, this week, or in this life. But are any of us really?

We create timelines for ourselves, then panic when life forces us off course. What we forget is that the detours, delays, and pivots are often the very things shaping us into who we’re meant to become because we aren’t this new person instantaneously. We forget that…

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Your expectations of yourself are a mix of patterns from events you’ve experienced, pressure from those around you, and your own personal beliefs. Simple enough, right?

Well, we can’t forget to account for all three of those things, often being in direct conflict. For example, it might look like you becoming an actor while your parents think you misheard them when they said “doctor”. 

Personally, I no doubt failed my father miserably with my current job. He worked in sanitation in NYC and always insisted the best way to live and support your family was to get a good union job with plenty of benefits. It’s the predictable, safe life that many of our parents experienced and wanted for us.

Most of us take a leap of faith (or several) at some point in our lives, even if it feels small. It comes time to make a choice, and we don’t have the answers telling us that everything will be okay. It’s a pattern we aren’t familiar with, and it is really scary. Patterns can keep us safe, but they also can keep us in a lane we don’t want to be in. There is a safe route that fulfills what others think of us and provides safety (in whatever form that is), but might not fulfill us.

Our expectations can be in direct conflict with those of what others have for us… or even what we’re experiencing in real time. They can motivate us to keep going, but they can also create a lot of extra noise that refuses to allow us to appreciate all the unexpected things that come with detours. 

So how do we know if what we’re holding onto is holding us back or pushing us forward? Well, that’s a distinction you’re going to need to make on your own, and will no doubt (Hey, if it was easy and I knew the answers, Great Things Take Time would be a null point)

This is precisely why my conversation with Angel Edme is featured this week for Spring Cleaning Your Expectations. Angel is someone I used to work with, who took the leap of faith to pursue a career that was far from what she expected for herself (and especially what her parents expected of her). Her story is a relatable one. Sleeping three hours a night to fit in her newfound passion with her corporate job, she did both until her schedule got to the point where she had to make a choice.

Follow a path she had laid out for herself that had been years in the making? Or defy the expectations she and others had for herself?

Consider it a chat between three friends: Angel, me, and you, as if we were downloading on our lives to pick apart what’s holding us back that we need to clean up. From a path towards becoming a filmmaker, to working in corporate, and now as a content creator, Angel has lived it and has some real-life experiences she can speak to that you might find mirrored in your own.

Below is our conversation (edited for clarity and length) where we talk about expectations she had to shrug off, how she fights the internal comparison dialogue threatening to hold her back, and the result of making a choice that went against a lot. To watch the full conversation, head below to YouTube (I highly recommend this; Angel is a vibrant spirit)

To connect with Angel further, you can find her on Instagram, Substack or Tiktok

Adrian: Today, we're talking about Spring Cleaning Your Expectations. Angel and I used to work together, but she is a powerhouse influencer when it comes to lifestyle, and I think you have a great opinion that people should hear. I'm excited to have this conversation with you today. 

Have you ever had a moment where your life didn't match the timeline that you thought it would, and how did you deal with that?

Angel: Where I am now is not where I imagined myself being. I very much was on the track of filmmaker; we're gonna be making projects, we're gonna eventually be freelance. I was working corporate before, and I fell into this whole content creation thing. It was so unexpected, but it's a risk that I wanted to take and see where it would take me. 

What made you want to take that risk?

I was seeking creativity outside of what I was doing before, and when it became its own beast, I just figured, why not take a leap and go in and do the schedule and make the content and show up to these events. I felt like it wouldn't make sense for me to leave that behind. So I thought the only way was forward with it.

Which is a positive mindset to have. A lot of folks can relate to this when it comes to taking, you know, this leap of faith or starting something that you have no idea. A lot of people don't take the leap because they're so fearful. Was there anything that made you feel really strong, strong in that emotion and in that feeling to take this leap?

What's so crazy is I feel like I never feel 100% like YES, this is it. It’s always scary. It will always be scary. I have accepted that, and I'm learning to release the control of knowing what the future holds, but I think for me what keeps me going is when there are certain things that pop up that confirms that I'm in the right space at the right time, whether it's people saying, “Hey, you helped me learn this thing about myself,” or “You changed my perspective on this”. When I'm invited to certain events, and I'm like, " How did I get in this room?” You know, I think in those moments I'm like, you know what, I am in the right space, I have done the work, and I feel like I have the confidence to move forward and keep going.

So, your expectations of yourself were just to succeed?

Yeah.

To try?

Honestly, just to try and see what happens,

And it worked! So far, so good,

So far, so good. I can't complain.

Where do you think most expectations come from, ourselves or other folks around us?

I'm Caribbean. My mom’s side is Jamaican, my Dad’s side is Haitian, and I'm first-gen American. So I'm sure they did not come to America thinking my child would make movies. NOOO

There's like five careers that you pick when you come from a Caribbean family.

Yeah, my mom was like, “You are a lawyer, you talk a lot, you're a lawyer.” That was kind of her expectation, or she wanted me to be a nurse. When I told them, “I want to go, and I want to study media arts, I'm going to do a concentration in film and TV production”, they were like, "Are you sure? Nah” 

Especially being the oldest, and I'm the oldest of the oldest, there definitely was a lot of pressure riding on the choices that I made, because I was an example to my younger siblings, I was an example to my younger cousins. But I always knew that I trusted myself and my ability to keep moving forward and to keep pushing through, and I think there has to be a time when you look at yourself and realize that you have to live for yourself first, and that's kind of how I accepted that, despite what they expected of me, that I was gonna do what I wanted to do.

No matter what?

No matter what.

Because I think expectations push us into spaces that we don't want to be in. I've found that there's a lot of people that I know personally who've done the thing because it was told to them, and they're unhappy.   I do think when it comes to creating your own life and paving your own path, you have to listen to your gut and your heart, and you listened.

And right now, would you say that you are in a space where you are thriving and happy?

Oh completely. I'm so happy with what I'm doing, I cannot see myself in a suit, going to an office, taking on clients

WHAT? This is a suit right here, it just has a bit more swag.

A little flair, and I'm not talking to a judge, which is totally different. I've always prioritized my happiness because I knew that if I was happy in what I did, I would work harder, and I think that's really what it is. I know that if I'm passionate about something, I will give it my all. So, I always knew that I wanted to go after the thing that I was passionate about.

Have you sort of been able to combine the thing that you were passionate about before in your current work? Because I do think there's a duality with what you do in creating for filmmaking.

Oh, completely. Everything that I have done in my life has literally prepared me for this, whether it comes from being a child and performing, I used to sing and do musical theater, I did ballet, I did piano, which helps me be on camera now. When it comes to behind the scenes, being a content creator, you are a production company,

You're everything.

Everything. You're the editor, you're the director, and even before, I have management now, but even before having management, I had to know how to negotiate. I had to know how to view a contract. Even with my producer background, that helped with that now. 

How has comparison affected you, whether it's social media or people around you, and how'd you deal with that?

I think I go back and forth with it. I think it's very natural to see other people doing things, you're like, “I want to do that”, or “I want to be at that place”. I like to check myself in those moments. I'm very big on listening to what I'm saying, and I will verbally - maybe this is kind of crazy - but I will

Never such a thing. You shouldn’t say to me that's crazy.

I will verbally correct myself if I have a thought

Out loud?

Out loud, I will be like, "Girl, why would you say that?” I will verbally correct myself as if I was a child, and I think it works. I think it does, and it changes the way that you think.

Something for y'all to practice at home, in the moment, verbally correcting yourself out loud.

Out loud, you have to. Even if it's a joke. Words are so powerful, and your brain cannot tell the difference between what is fact and what is fiction. So, if you're saying, "Oh, that was so stupid.” No, it wasn't. It was a thought. It's okay. You had a moment, that's okay. In those moments where you find yourself comparing yourself, just check yourself and be like, "No, you are where you're meant to be right now, and that's okay.”

Yes, I do think that it is okay to admit you are also inspired by someone else. I do like to differentiate comparison and inspiration, because I do think there are folks who do things in spaces that we are not a part of, or want to be a part of, and [we think] maybe there's something else I would like to gravitate towards, or work on, or wow, they shot this thing in a certain way, and I like the way they piece it together, or edited it. I like to use those moments as,  “Okay, you feel inspired, and since you feel inspired, see if you can also create,” because the curiosity is what keeps us evolving and developing

Completely.

Versus stagnant, right? Being in the same space, feeling really comfortable, and then not growing. Versus starting anew, becoming your own boss, paving the way you want it to be. Especially when it comes to this space, we were talking about how fast it is, letting the timeline be created by you versus dictated by someone else.

We're all on our own journey, and we all need each other in some way, shape, or form to continue to grow.

Can you repeat that one more time, that we all need each other…?

We all need each other. 

It's like one of the most important things, because people don't talk about that enough. But yes, we all do need each other.

It’s the only way that we can survive. In those moments, like you said, where you find yourself comparing it, it could probably be inspiration, and that's okay. That's incredible that someone can use their art to inspire you. It's also important, on top of that, to remind ourselves that we also don't know the reality. I think that we end up comparing ourselves based on whatever we made up about the situation, we're looking at someone's picture, we're looking at someone's video, and we're going, "Oh, like this is this grand thing.” You know what I mean?

The stories that we created.

The stories we create! You made that up; you don't know.

In your own head, without confirming. I talk about this with my therapist, the idea of what was said, or is that what you are making up? Which is a conversation in itself, but yes, I do think it's worth noting that sometimes we make things up, sometimes they're not true, and steer away from that, because it's so toxic and unhealthy.

We all have our own journey, so just stick to yours and appreciate others. It's okay to cheer on other people, and also realize that you are in your own situation.

So what does it look like to accept that it might just not be your time right now?

I feel like I'm always there 

[Adrian laughs]

That's the truth. 

You’re like, we live there!

We live there, we live in her. This is why I always check myself, because I'm kind of like a run kind of person. I'm a pick-up-and-go kind of person. I have all these huge goals I'm always running towards. It's very easy for me sometimes to be like, "Why am I not there yet?” And I don't appreciate where I am now. So I have to check myself and be like, “Girl, look at all that's just happened, and you haven't taken a second to appreciate where that is now.” 

To live in that space

Exactly, before you're on to the next thing. I'm so new in the space I'm in, I'm what, like two, three years in now? I feel so grateful for where I am now, for how long I've been in the space, but it's very easy to slip into the “Well, why am I not here yet?” That's unrealistic. You have to go through certain things so that you can grow and you can expand in the space, and if you want something good, it takes time.

Well, if that's not a mic drop, I don't know what is. Yes, because great things do take time, right?

Nothing great comes quickly, and I don't think you rush great things. There's a timeline, yes, that we have for ourselves, but I do think it adds an unnecessary pressure, and I do think patience, right? People hear two or three years, and now in society, that seems like a long time. I don't think that's a long time at all…

At all

The first year, with a lot of things, you're kind of just figuring it out. The second year is about execution, and then year three, you're like, this is how I'd like this space to be set up, and so then you can dictate at which speed you would like to move, and you already have the tools, because you've learned them all in this time, [you know] how to move forward. You can't rush things.

Do you feel like now that you're in this space… and I do think it comes from being an influencer, right, because a lot of things are associated with trends and what's hot now, and the new thing. Do you still feel that constant pressure, or can you deal with it in a much healthier way now?

I feel like I can deal with it in a much healthier way now. Especially the fact that I just left my full-time job a year ago. Last year… hectic.. crazy.

Just tell us a little quickly about what your life looked like last year when you were running around.

Last year, I was sleeping three hours a day, going to my work, getting there at 6 am, waking up at four to get ready to go, working a 12-hour shift, going to like two, three events, and then going to sleep to go to work again. Now, on weekends, I was filming because I felt so passionately that I was headed in the right direction.

Leaving meant you were about to level up. Of course, no one wants to see the person that they're happy to work with leave, but if it means your growth and it means your happiness…. You know, boot out! You've got to kick them out; that's a positive thing! We do outgrow some parts of our lives, and that's okay. With a lot of jobs, I think there's this pressure that we all constantly feel.

Is there advice that you would give to someone dealing with the pressures of society, of the workplace, from your family? All the things from the external sources that kind of play into our lives. How do you deal with pressure?

Self-care is very important, and I think self-care is more than having a spa day. 

What do you mean, not getting a massage? 

It’s great, and I think that has its own space. But I think self-care starts with evaluating yourself. It starts with therapy. Love a therapist.

Shout out to all the therapists taking care of people.

It starts with evaluating your life and making sure that you're living for yourself. It's great to have people in your life who support you, and when they give you expectations, it is out of love. They're telling you things that they think is best for you, because that is what they know, but you also know yourself more than they do. You have to trust in yourself to make the right decisions. 

I think it really is, going back to the letting go of control, that you have to trust that whatever decision you make will work out the way it's supposed to. You cannot control the outcome of what that is. So take risks, take leaps, pour into yourself, take care of yourself, and things will go the way they’re supposed to.

I love that as advice, because failure is just a part of taking risks, and because you don't immediately succeed, which I always think folks want. They want the immediacy of getting it the first time. You don't get it the first time. 

My journey, especially when it comes to wellness and my own mental health. No, I didn't get it the first time. I've just constantly been learning and pivoting. Use the failure as a tool to teach yourself about the mistakes that you've made and how to move forward. Don't harp on the failure; you’re supposed to fail.  It is a part of life, and I think it's been one of the best teachers in my life. I don't know if you feel the same way.

Oh, I feel the same way. I don't even call failures failures, I say, their lessons. I say, “Oh, I just learned great.” And honestly, I hope I keep learning, because I will get to the results faster. Give me more lessons, so I can just get something from what I want to be in, right? Hope to learn that lesson, hope to fail, you know, because that is how you're gonna become better.

If we can change our scope of how we look at something, change the way that failure looks, like failure being a life lesson, I think more people would be eager to take those risks.

Completely. It's not the end. I think really what it is, is people see failure as the end. They're like, "Oh, it's incomplete, done.” When, in actuality, you think about it, it's the start. You know what not to do.

So I thought. We do some hot takes, Angel. I've got a few things that I'd love your answers on. First one, comparison distorts reality.

You're comparing your life to someone else's highlight reel.

That's a hot take. Okay, letting go is not giving up.

The best thing that you can do for yourself is releasing control.

Growth isn't always visible.

You'd be surprised the progress that you're making in your quiet seasons.

So my Nana would always say that. That's a good one. 

Angel, thank you so much for being here today and being a part of this conversation. It was such a pleasure to have you.

No, thank you for having me. I feel I really do feel honored to be here.

Drop the broom, we’ve got better things to clean!

Have you ever woken up one day to realize that you’re pursuing something for someone else, not because you wanted it? You wanted to make your parents proud, or fit in with someone else. Or maybe it’s because you thought that you valued something above all else, because it’s what was taught to you.

Your turn! Journal your answer, or if you find yourself sharing the progress of your Great Things on social, tag me at @greatthingswithadrian so I can join in on cheering you along!